Confession of a Dog Mom: Why I Am Losing Sleep

It’s now 10:30 PM, and I should be getting ready to bed since I need to wake up at 5 AM for work. However, I feel too anxious to sleep. My palms and feet are sweating as I type this, and my heart is racing. Hopefully, writing out my thoughts will help me feel better.

I took Rambo to the vet for a wellness exam yesterday, including bloodwork. I’ve waited all day to hear the result. I absolutely hate the wait.

Yesterday, I asked the vet tech when I should expect a call from them with the result. She said they typically have the result the next day and will give me a call when they’re ready. Today, I waited half the day, checking my phone every half hour, fearing I might miss a call, but the phone remained silent.

By 4 PM, I couldn’t stand it any longer, so I called the vet clinic. Although I understand they’re a busy clinic and I really don’t want to rush people, I needed some peace of mind.

“Hi, my name is Anny. Rambo Chow’s owner. We were in yesterday for Rambo’s bloodwork. Could you please give me an update and let me know if you have the result?” I asked.

After a brief hold to retrieve the record, the receptionsit responded, “Yes, we do have the results. Dr. Hawkins will call you tomorrow to explain the result.”

Upon hearing “Dr. Hawkins will call you tomorrow to explain”, my heart sank, and I could feel my voice trembled as I asked, “Is something wrong? Is everything ok? Do I need to worry?”. I couldn’t help but panicked.

You see, I’m usually an extremely rational person, but when it comes to my animals, I can get really emotional. And I know why I felt that way.

The last time I received a call from the vet about bloodwork was a little over a year ago in September 2023, regarding my cat Mimi. I took Mimi to the vet because I noticed she wasn't feeling well; she had lost a significant amount of weight and had no appetite. The following day, the vet called to let me know the results of Mimi's bloodwork, and it was devastating news, the kind no pet parent wants to hear. The vet explained that the bloodwork didn't look good, and Mimi was extremely ill and in pain, suggesting euthanasia. I wasn't prepared for this outcome at all. The feelings of helplessness, loss, and sadness from that time I can still feel it when I think about those moments. As I type this, my eyes are getting teary. I guess this explains why I'm so anxious about the results of Rambo's bloodwork.

However, I also know I’m just being irrational and overreacting. Last year, Mimi wasn’t well, but this time, Rambo looks like he’s in relatively good health. This vet visit was just a wellness check and to get a proper diagnosis on what’s happening to his right eye (he has dry eye. If you want to learn more about Rambo’s eye issue, check out this blog post). At 8 years old, I think he’s actually in his best shape.

Waiting for Rambo’s bloodwork results feels like waiting for a year-end report card. I couldn’t help but question myself:

• How did I do as his guardian the past years?

• Are all the diet and exercise helping him to have a healthy lifespan?

• Am I doing enough?

I’m genuinely doing my best to give him the best diet within my means.

I’m committed to give him daily cardio and conditioning exercise to keep him in shape, no matter how crazy my work schedule is.

My days off are dedicated to Rambo.

All I want is for him to be healthy.

I didn’t have the chance to care of my childhood pets into their senior years. I know I didn’t do my best job with Mimi. I’m determined to do it right, to do my absolute best this time.

Ok. I’m going off on a tangent here. Let’s get back to the phone call with the receptionist.

After I panicked and asked the receptionist, “Is something wrong? Is everything ok? Do I need to worry?”, she briefly hesitated before responding, “I can’t discuss the bloodwork with you. Dr. Hawkins is off today. She’ll be back tomorrow and she’ll call you.”

“Ok, thank you. I will wait for her call tomorrow” I said. Then I couldn't help but wonder why she hesitated in her response. Am I just being paranoid?

For the remainder of the day after the call, anxiety consumed me. I couldn't focus on work, and I couldn't sit still while reading or meditating. Now, I can't sleep because of my worries. My hands and feet are sweating, and my heart is still racing.

Tomorrow can’t come soon enough.

I just want to vet to call to tell me Rambo is healthy.